2024 Reboot

Disclaimer: I am a bit nervous that some of my posts will not have aged well. Without reviewing each one, I want to apologize in advance for anything that doesn't meant the standards of writing or beliefs that I hold myself to today, in 2024. 

Finally, shout out to my cousin, Ana, who inspired me to reboot this blog. 

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It's 2024 and I just got back from a few days in El Salvador. Writing this sentence after reading my last post from over FOURTEEN YEARS AGO, I feel like its the beginning of science fiction novel. Alas, its not.

This week, I was visiting a non-profit that I have been supporting in El Salvador since 2016, Project RED. I recently joined the Board of Directors and wanted to spend time with the long-time Executive Director and Founder, Kara Wilson Garcia, to catch up on all of their activities as I take a new role supporting them. 

Until this year, I have been largely a passive supporter as I have focused on my own life, my own career. Why was I supporting it at all? Well, one thing that I feel quite certain many Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs) feel during and after service is a desire to support particular people in their communities beyond what Peace Corps is set up to allow. For non-RPCVers, what does that even mean?? Well, inevitably you meet one or more kids who are just brilliant. You know they are. You know that if they had been born in the United States, they'd be stars of their field of study. I had a whole group of them. As a youth development volunteer, I was a substitute English teacher in the primary school while the main teacher was at a months-long training. After he returned, I plucked the most eager and promising students for an "advanced English" class that I taught after-school. These kids were amazing. Truly. I'm still in contact with a few of them. Another story for another post. Among this group, was a girl that I will call Tina. Tina was hands-down my favorite of the group. Probably because I was actually very close with her family as well. She was kind, smart, and had a very sad story.

Tina lived with her aunt. Her aunt was single, raising four children, in a tiny dirt-floor home, and only one of the children was her own. The others were from siblings. One of those siblings was in the United States and the other lived down the street. That sibling was Tina's father. Yep. Tina's mother also lived down the street. They were divorced, remarried, with new families each. Neither apparently wanted Tina so the aunt took her. It continues to baffle to me to this day. Not only was she super smart, exceedingly kind, she was also beautiful. The perfect kid. I wanted so badly to support Tina after I left Peace Corps. There was another kid, whose mother was a teacher at the school and I was close to, who wanted to go to medical school and I wanted to support them too! But, I was 22 years old, no real long-term job plans as I was heading back to the United States and I could not find a program to connect them with. I thought about setting up something of my own, but alas I just kind of gave up. I hate to admit it. 

Following my service, I went back in 2015 or so with Shane for the first time. I went to my community alone. Shane met me later at the beach. I wanted to see folks and not get the stares and do the unnecessary translating. I wanted to see my host mother, Marilu, whome I had been sending remesas home to for some years. I'll pause to explain.

As I noted in my last post in 2010, Nina Marilu was for all intents and purposes another mother to me. I referred to her as my Salvadoran mother. She was not assigned to me. She owned the pupusa stand outside of my assigned family's home. I watched her a lot from the window at first and then slowly just started sitting at her stand like I saw many people do. She adopted me. Fully, no questions. And, she never let me pay for a thing. One reason I was able to confidently move out of my assigned family's home is because I had her. I should also say, her extended family was also a big support to me. They fed me regularly as well. But, Nina Mari was different. She never asked me for a thing. Full stop. She never asked for money, help with an American visa. Nothing. She fed me and cared for me. She laughed at how much I loved Cleo (cats are mice killers to her, not pets). I openly dreamed with her about the days when I would drop my own children off for a few weeks with her in the summer. They would learn Spanish, learn about the world, and be loved. So loved by Nina Mari. So, when I left El Salvador, every time I could I sent money "home" to her. She never asked me for it. I wanted to do it. And, honestly, she didn't even need it. She was one of the upper-working class of the town. But, I had seen how she took girls in to give them work and made sure they went to school. She gave many people food, opportunity, whatever she could to help within reason. So, I knew, I trusted that giving to her would be fed back into the economy of my little town. I didn't need to worry about her enriching herself or asking for more, as one worries about with these things. 

In 2016, a silent prayer I had been praying for 6 years was finally answered. My dad called me out of the blue. A guy he worked with at Bank of America in San Antonio, had a daughter around my age. As it turns out, she too worked in El Salvador! He bought a table at her fundraising dinner and was flying me and Shane down to attend. So, we showed up. I don't even think I really talked to Kara, the founder, that much. But, we were blown away by the presentation. She brought Salvadoran families to the event to talk about what RED was doing for them and "auctioned" off some cattle to the Texans in the audience who would give them to families in El Salvador. This amused Shane endlessly. He still talks about it to this day. 

Some time after that event, I started a small monthly donation to RED. As I made more money, I would increase my donation. (Dad has always talked about tithing and I adopted his mantra of at least 1% of my earnings many years ago.) But, as I said earlier, I didn't get involved. I didn't really feel like I needed to. I was finally DIRECTLY supporting Salvadoran communities in a high-impact way. As my dad and Shane have long said, you don't need to be directly involved in the activities to do good in the world. The people who do that need our money to do that work. So, I focused on my career, making more money, and upping my donations! In 2019, I did do a visit with Kara, to the Cañas family I sponsored. My donations helped procure some new home infrastructure and, more importantly to me, I was providing small scholarships for family members to attend school nearby. But, again, that was it. I was a passive, albeit very enthusiastic of the work Kara and Red were doing. Her regular updates about the families and the situation in El Salvador were excellent. I felt connected to the country. And, of course I checked in with Nina Mari. She had been undergoing breast cancer treatments and I was glad to see she was in recovery.

Last year, in 2023, everything changed. It was the Year of Generative AI. Work was insane. I was traveling to Europe a ton for the AI Act. I had just returned in April, shortly after Cleo's 14th birthday, from a trip as a US-Spain Council Young Leader. Cleo was not doing great. I took her to the vet, fully expecting to be given medicine for whatever was ailing her. Instead, the vet told me she had a massive tumor. She needed to be put down. The love of my life. Cleo had seen me through so much. I only always half-joked that Shane was my second love. It devastated me. It still devastates me as I write this. I cannot tell you how proud I was to tell people I had a Salvadoran cat. It was always one of my "fun facts" I shared with people. A great way to talk about my Peace Corps service (and fulfill the 3rd goal of Peace Corps).

I was inconsolable after I lost Cleo. To the point where I could not call "home" to Nina Mari to tell her. I just couldn't do it. I knew I'd lose it and I just didn't want to. So, I put off calling her. I went the longest I probably ever had in 13 years of not calling her. In November, I was finally ready to call her. I texted her. No response. (I always kept her son's number for situations like this. She used to change phone numbers during the period where gang extortion was a problem. But, with the age of WhatsApp, this had not been a problem.) Her son responded. He asked if he could call me. I said that wasn't necessary, she could just call me whenever. He insisted on calling me. And, I had a bad feeling. I always knew this was possible since her breast cancer diagnosis. 

Nina Mari, her son informed, passed away a few months earlier. I had not gotten to say good-bye. My last strong connection to my home of two years in El Salvador was gone. I cried. A lot. I hired Nina Mari's niece to come do some home repairs for me and Shane. Nina Mari had sent back some cheese and treats for me with her a couple of years earlier. When I picked them up, Nina Ana told me they did painting and other odd jobs if we ever needed it. Now, we needed it but I also needed her. I needed to hold someone and cry just a little bit with someone who had been with Nina Mari at the end. 

Soon after that, Shane and I began seriously talking about adoption. I had always wanted to adopt. In fact, I "compromised" with Shane years earlier that we'd have one natural kid but he had to let me adopt a child as well. I always wanted Shane's kid. How amazing would that kid be? Seriously. The truth is though, Shane and I are fiercely devoted to growing our careers and our lives. We love each other like crazy and there have been times where I was like-- we don't need anyone but us! But, of course, and especially after the addition of my niece and nephew. We really really wanted kids of our own. We tried for a bit. But, I was already 35 and the world tells you-- clock's ticking!! Adoption was always after we had our own kid. I never wanted to do IVF, I honestly didn't really believe it for myself. Fine for others, not for me. But, at this point, Shane and I were determined to have a kid. So, I did it. Or, I should say, I put myself through it. It was awful. I won't go into all the ups and downs over the last three years - except to say that putting extra hormones in your body is not good for your mental health on top of anything else you might be dealing with. We learned a lot. 

At the end of 2023, one of the worst years of my life thus far, we started looking into adoption. Lord, have mercy. Don't get me started. I need a whole other post to go down all that we learned. But, in short, we learned we needed to get moving. It's a much longer (and equally as invasive as IVF but in different way) process than we realized. Of course, my first thought was-- El Salvador. Of course it was. As I mentioned, Kara and RED always sent amazing updates about what was happening in El Salvador. They were incredibly active government advocates. It was yet another reason I supported Kara -- she knew the value of government relations. When they become official partners of Child Protective Services in El Salvador, I beamed. If I could write a dream non-profit, RED would be it.

So, from these updates, I knew that El Salvador had changed their adoption laws. Finally. 

More background:

As a result of the “LEPINA” (Law for Integral Child & Adolescent Protection), a law that stemmed from UNICEF's Convention on the Rights of the Child, in El Salvador, thousands of children and teens in orphanages were sent to live with members of their biological families starting in 2011. These vulnerable children had suffered abuse, neglect and trauma of all kinds. Many of the families, upon receiving their children, were unable or unwilling to provide adequate care for their children, resulting in a variety of consequences for the children. 
Project RED (“Reintegration, Education & Development”) was born in response to this alarming situation, providing support for the families who are willing and able to care for their children and advocating on behalf of those who continue to live in vulnerable and dangerous conditions. Project RED offers holistic support to these children and their families. We provide material, educational, emotional and spiritual support based on the individual needs of each family. Additionally, Project RED advocates for the rights of cases of children who continue to be abused while simultaneously advocating for policy change in El Salvador. This video provides an overview of Project RED’s work.

For a few years, Shane and I had talked about me reaching out to Kara about joining the Board. I had been a long-time donor and a new leadership position might be good for me. Though I became a Court Appointed Special Advocate for children in the US child protection system in 2020, doing something more in El Salvador was inevitable and now it was more than that. It was something I needed. So, all roads led to Kara. I shot her an email. I made it clear that I had two questions - one professional and one personal. 1) Next time she had a board spot open, I was interested in applying and 2) Did she have more information on the adoption laws that had changed a year before?  Of course, Kara responded instantly. Two board spots were open! My timing was perfect. And, yes, the laws had changed but she only knew a bit about it. RED had active domestic adoption cases but she didn't work in international adoptions. But, RED works closely with the Salvadoran Government Adoption agency (OPA), and she was happy to see what she could find out. 

When I interviewed for the Board, I made it clear I was only interested in one thing and one thing only: sustaining the organization and its mission for many years to come. That means fundraising. Project RED doesn't need to change a bit, it needs sustainable funding streams. And, as a long time advocate/lobbyist/seller of ideas, I knew I needed to start developing my fundraising pitch. I told Kara, I needed to come down for another visit. I knew this was the best way to get my juices flowing. 

And, so, here I am. I've just returned from my trip with Kara and her wonderful team. On the first day, we visited two families in Ahuachapán and Sonsonate. One family new to the program and a family about to "graduate" from the program. 

The first family lived in an extremely humble dwelling. The daughter, who had come to the attention of Project RED, had dealt with some significant trauma and, due to her family's financial circumstances, had written off attending high school. But, luckily, she was referred to Project RED. RED is providing her and her family trauma-informed counseling, paying for the daughter to attend school, and shortly, their in-house construction team, will begin fortifying their dwelling. I say fortifying because one of the things I love about Red is they strongly believe in interventions that don't disrupt family's ways of living. In cases where they provide construction work, they do everything they can to ensure they make a home more safe (sanitation, secure doors, healthy cooking area, floors, roofs) but try their best to ensure the family home maintains its feeling as "theirs."

In this first home, Kara explained that the mother works as a laborer in a nearby farm. The single mother, is exceptionally proud of the home she has physically built, bit by bit, for her family. She was very skeptical of RED in the beginning. She has never been able to count on anyone but herself her entire life. But, after seeing her daughter able to return to school and get an education, she is beginning to trust RED. We spent a couple of hours with the family. Playing a dynamica (ice breaker) and touring their small but impressively well-appointed dwelling. The daughter's "room" was amazing. {PICTURE HERE} 

At this point, I should also pause to say that Project RED is faith-based. And, in El Salvador, this is critical. El Salvador is very religious country. And, though you would think it was largely Catholic, it is not. According to the US Department of State, it is roughly 43% Catholic, 33% evangelical, and 18% unaffiliated. At the end of my visit, Kara invited me to attend the weekly staff meeting where I got see first-hand how she blends trauma-informed practices with faith. I was honestly, blown away. Again, I have to say, if I designed it myself, this is what I would want it to look like. After years of my own mindfulness, secular-Buddhism, and trauma training, I knew Kara had developed a great program. 

At the second home, we visited the family that was about to graduate. This family of many many little ones (as the Project RED team psychologist prepared me for ahead of arrival) had kindly agree to take in their niece's very young son. Their niece was a victim of incestual rape and could not bear to keep the child. The little boy, I am happy to say, appears to be doing great. I always say "appears" because what see on the outside, is rarely what is happening inside. Many of you will indeed be surprised to read about my year last year. And, that is why Project RED doesn't just provide roofs and latrines. They provide care, learning, and support to get families well beyond their time with the program. They practice giving people more than fish, just like the Bible teaches us. 

This family had a whole house from Project RED, an indication of the state of their own dwelling before. I had not previously visited any of their new construction family homes so this was a first for me. It was so wonderful! The wash area fed directly into the shower area. My favorite kind of set up! This makes me laugh. I have need it all in El Salvador and its funny to think about how I prefer my own bucket bath set-ups. 

We played monkey in the middle with all of the little ones: four kids under the age of five and an eleven year old. It was a blast. 

After that, we headed back to San Salvador. My hip little hotel and later a fancy traditional Salvadoran meal at a restaurant that appeared to be straight out of San Antonio, TX. My how El Salvador has changed since President Bukele took office...

On my last day, I also visited OPA, the adoption agency, and their Director, who clearly admires the work Kara and Project Red do. In the meeting he implored her/RED to rejoin the advisory committee. They'd taken a step back from the committee because, frankly, her and her staff are underwater with the work they do directly with families and bureaucracy takes up a lot of time. 

In the meeting, I was able to learn more about the current state of international adoptions in El Salvador. While there is currently only one American provider, they are finalizing agreements with a German and Italian provider at this very moment! How exciting. I was thrilled to hear that one of my providers in the States (yes, you need more than one...more on that perhaps at another time) was on the list of agencies who expressed interest to the government of El Salvador in becoming an adoption provider for Americans. This was amazing news. I've since emailed my provider to see/implore that they complete their paperwork. (Pray for a future positive update post on this!)

Now, I am home. I missed my 1 am direct from from San Sal to Dulles and had to spend all day flying home through Houston. But, I'm alive and well and able to report my adventures. 

I look forward to sharing more soon.