People always expect to be changed by an experience this big and, yeah, I am sure I have changed a bit but mostly I think I brought to the surface more of who I already was but didn't really wear on my sleeve. I think I am more aware, more resourceful, more appreciative, and definitely more confused about development. I care about seeing things, experiencing things, making things happen and care much less about what I am wearing, what kind of phone I have, or really anything at all of my possessions that doesn't make my life easier (ie. a toaster...I really wish I had a new toaster...the stove kind) I love not caring. I hope I can continue to not care about things like that. I really hope that when I get back to the States I can remember that my money is for a cause or an experience and not for making my life 'prettier'.
It took me a really long time to get to this point. For even a year into my service, I was still dreaming about the spa, a new car when I got home, and a new wardrobe. Granted, I will still get a car (used) and will need to buy new clothes when I get home but I feel a bit liberated by not caring too much about either. I am more focused on keeping my Spanish up, planning trips with my family, and figuring out exactly what to do with the last three years of experience I have racked up. I keep thinking about what community cause I will get myself into as a Returned Volunteer.
People in my community keep asking if it is true that I am leaving. I say yes. They ask me if I am glad to go home and if I will come back. I say that I have mixed feelings and that I will most likely come visit but will not live here. I really do hope I come visit. It's a hard thing about being a volunteer. So many people took care of me here that I feel like I am turning my back on them by leaving. Two volunteers before me have never come back and I always feel guilty when I hear it. However, why should I? Why should they? I remind people here that my family is in the States as is my life. I want to get married, have kids, etc. And, of course, I am going to do that all in the States. It's a hard balancing act (mostly in my head) about what to do with this place after I am gone.
2 comments:
yamabal has such a short memory. i have been back TWICE since my service ended in 2006.
I didn't mean that as a jab at all. I think a lot of it has to do that I don't hang out with the same families you and Matt did since ya'll are boys. Sorry about the mis-information.
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